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today was a bad day mentally and emotionally. i broke down hard. couldn't hold anything in and i sobbed until Scott was hushing me so people in the other room wouldn't hear me. i felt unbearably pried open. We'd watched leaving las Vegas and a scene seeded itself in my mind and wouldn't let go. I tried to heal my past wounds but they will resurface regardless. now that I've muddied the waters of the subconscious, it may be a good time to pan for gold. find the strength to channel it into a vehicle of voice. find the words to build a bridge to cross the water for ever.
Ive never felt him hold me the way he did after it all spilled out. so close. so strong. so comforting. as if his arms were brick walls hiding me from anything wrong in this world. warm and soft as sunshine. his anger. his wish for retribution. his testosterone fueled instinct to protect. and me the helpless doe crying. yet the love in his eye and how his fingers found mine. so gentle. when he held me everything was bearable. everything was ok. I opened up so deep today. to a depth i'd forgotten i had. a darkness I'd hidden. but white light has its way of finding its way into anywhere.

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