how can others love me when i dont love myself?

i always looked up to you, i admired your many talents; your art, your voice, but mostly your skill at being a mother. you were always on top of everything, always there. i realized i may have taken it for granted and i really regret it. things have changed alot and it will probably never go back to how it was, but we can still make the best of this. i know the problems you have with us and yourself. i want to tell you it's all ok, and sometimes things are out of your control but that's the beauty of life, you just have to learn to accept it's not all up to you. realize what you do have control over and even if it's just yourself (which it usualy only is) then maybe that's all you need. its all in the mind, life's what you make it and all that bunk.

maybe its easier said than done. i bet it is but i can't even imagine. i just want you to know i'm here for you and i love you.

Comments

rudeawakenings said…

i love you too...
yes, it's all in the mind, but the mind is a universe and there is no end or beginning and i am lost in it...i want to share so much of myself but i sometimes i have too much and sometimes there is nothing...finding eloquence and simplicity is sometimes simple and sometimes impossible.
mom

November 19, 2008 at 1:39 AM

Anonymous said…

awe!!! sooo cuteeeee

November 19, 2008 at 6:20 PM

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Home

I looked back at blog entries, and even though the subject matter was less than pleasant to be reminded of, it was still good, I'm glad I have written reminders so I have points of reference to gauge my growth. And I've come far. I often feel like I've had three stages in my life. The first was with Brent, and though I was a newborn in love's eyes, I soon grew to an extremely old age. My heart was always cracked and my spirit became dulled. I became clogged with darkness, became tired and dragged myself through the days. But I never stopped. I stubbornly sacrificed myself each day for someone whom I thought it was going to help. I was wrong. The first day of my second stage was the day I stopped caring about him and finally focused on myself. I was free, and I was drunk with it. Too drunk. I dove into something that made me happy, too quick. I soon realized there were other ways to get hurt. this stage wasn't that defining, though I began to learn to take things as ...

i dont know where im going with this

no one ever needs anything. they only want. "i need to get atleast 75 on this test" no. you want it. because you want a good mark because you want your mark to go up..ect." you want it because you dont want the alternative. aka failing. you dont need to go to school. you probably should, you probably should want to, but you dont need to. lets get a more exagerated example "you need to take this medicine for your illness or else you'll die." you might think this is a flaw in my theory. but it isnt. you want to take the medicine because you dont want the alternative; death. but you dont need to take it. you never need to do anything.

rude awakenings

Search This Blog