Skip to main content

i have no courage so here it is..

i don't know why i can't tell you this myself, why i need to resort to such coward methods.
maybe it's because i can always hope that you didn't read this. that you just clicked the x without realizing. i don't want to tell you because i don't want to make things worse. i dont want you to hate me. you're already so disatisfied with us. but it keeps getting worse inside of me. i want to tell you what i'm thinking, free speech and all that, but everytime i start you cut me off and recede into your own world and i'm left feeling ten times worse than when i kept my mouth shut. i didn't want to tell you because i started to think that maybe you were right. maybe i was just an ungrateful child and i should just stop complaining because you're almost always right. but the uneasiness inside me kept growing, and i didn't see the point of tearing myself down and nothing accomplised from it. if you feel angry or hurt by what i've said, then i'll tear myself down just the same, but atleast i've gotten it off my chest.

Comments

rudeawakenings said…
angel girl...i didn't press x...is it me who you were trying to reach? if not, sorry...if so, you got thru...and, again, i'm sorry. i really don't want you to be hurt. we should talk.
November 18, 2008 at 12:55 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

teardas

this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
1 comment
Read more

I wish I could

I'm a moon person too. But I'm too caught up in my petty securities and routines to wander the streets at night
4 comments
Read more

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough
2 comments
Read more