Same old song and dance

You never notice how we've changed until we're placed into the same situation of time's past. We always grapple for a chance to redo, to press the back button on our lives and do it all again. What people don't realize is that the opportunity is handed to us on a silver platter. because we've lead ourselves inevitably back to what we know, what we've already known. History repeats itself more times than I'd like to admit, both in my life and in the collective experience. And now I stand where I once did, many times, from grade 11 to grade 12. on again and off again. You wanted to hang out. I delayed, but my conscience got the best of me. A hopeless pleaser of others. But something's changed. I could not look at your face ever again and be perfectly content. I've become privy to it all. See, you run in circles too. You hate me and then you inevitably love me again. You hurt me, because I hurt you. But you've always got that sickly smile on your face, somehow forgetting the past and we're back where we started. truth is, I don't want to run another lap in that world of yours. I forfeit.

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neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

Life unfolding

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

Maggot Brain

I am filled with the feeling of too much to do, but when given the time all I can accomplish is looking back at these blog entries with a detached sensibility. I am removed from them now. Peculiar, how these words remain fixed here, memories I would rather forget. But I am now wet with memories, soaked in ancient feelings I thought had shriveled away in the sun. One thing struck me was my way with words. It has always been a talent, but I exercised it more in adolescence. Now the muscle is weak and the words are hard to lift from my mind to this page in any way worth telling. I need to stop telling myself that. Evolution is inevitable and I have been changed by this passing of time. I am fascinated with progress, with the slow steady growth of each individual. Sophistication, intelligence, ever shifting dreams and schemes. But there is always an essence that remains unchanged. The spirit which guides us to who we want to become through time and space. I am happy now...

rude awakenings

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