rude awakenings

Unfolding Like petals, new to the world Tired of crouching and hiding within protective walls. Bursting forth in response to the warmth of sunlight and community. The unfolding of a heart is uncomfortable work. No longer used to my dimensions, I bump and bash Graze delicate edges against the roughness of a new world. bruise petals as I dance through the days. The morning are toughest As I attempt to reopen my raw and reeling regalia Until the sun soothes the edges and I can relax once more Easing into each new day, Alight on the breeze. With new aspects to myself awakening, I catch the eye of new creatures animals insects and fellow flowers alike. It's exhilarating. Exhausting. To engage in a new age Edges expanding, This is evolution.

"In truth, though, we are losing soil worldwide at an alarming rate. A recent U.N. report warned that Earth could run out of topsoil in the next 60 years if we, as a global society, continue to support its  destruction by way of petro-chemical, ecologically abusive agricultural practices. Fortunately, soil can be incredibly resilient and regenerative." Here is some food for thought, A great article that highlights how we need to move forward in a regenerative, soil building fashion. If we keep going the way we are, we will be royally screwed. The system is skewed, off-kilter and ill-advised. One of my passions going forward is educating about urban low impact farming, victory gardens, and reclaiming our sovereignty away from a society that is showing it's cracks.

The Star. Illuminating Celestial magic transmuted                             Collected and nurtured in her urns                In her hollow bodies           Giving shape and form To the flow of the world The rushing of time Oon-wards Halted      in a vessel Held      Meditated upon                Made magic. And then Returned           Released Relinquished back to the banks To seep in with the current And be carried Further Deeper The Earth Drinks it back down                And around                         And around. Add caption

Been feeling a spectrum of emotions lately. Love in the age of Covid. So isolated, yet undergoing an evolution. An expansion of my heart, No longer contained by these four chambers. For the past five years I have been trying to untangle my heartstrings. Make sense of these feelings, what would make my heart happy I've learned a lot, after only knowing monogamous hetero wasn't for me. I've played and pranced through the forest of my desires, Emerged with a taste for the thrill of the chase, And for soft mossy moments.  I explored my multifaceted heart and body. I've embraced the fluidity of my sexual identity for a while now, And I was lucky to have a partner who was open And willing to embrace another woman into our partnership. My heart's unfolding like a flower Desiring the attentive admiration of others. I am blooming, expanding at an exponential rate. I am fluid. I change day to day, month to month, As I process my past, my trauma, My uncertainty began to wane, ...

I don't know what drew me back here after years and years . I think it's the allure of anonymity but also broadcast. It's different than my journal, where I'm more candid and carefree,an allure afforded by complete privacy. But I remembered this blog where in high school and Uni I would write my feelings, my day, my point of view in poetic ways, and with photos. I had a very small audience mostly consisting of my best friends who also had blogs. It was a place I could perform something personal, using poetics as a method of sharing yet remaining secretive. I have another blog I use more, it's an ecological one, but  I miss the feeling of speaking my emotions out into the void of the internet. So maybe I'll start it up again, just for me, and whomever happens to stumble upon this.

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

I am filled with the feeling of too much to do, but when given the time all I can accomplish is looking back at these blog entries with a detached sensibility. I am removed from them now. Peculiar, how these words remain fixed here, memories I would rather forget. But I am now wet with memories, soaked in ancient feelings I thought had shriveled away in the sun. One thing struck me was my way with words. It has always been a talent, but I exercised it more in adolescence. Now the muscle is weak and the words are hard to lift from my mind to this page in any way worth telling. I need to stop telling myself that.  Evolution is inevitable and I have been changed by this passing of time. I am fascinated with progress, with the slow steady growth of each individual. Sophistication, intelligence, ever shifting dreams and schemes. But there is always an essence that remains unchanged. The spirit which guides us to who we want to become through time and space. I am happy now...

Hey guys! I've started a new blog,  greenthing eco , a place for all my tips and tricks for sustainable living! It would be really great if you could check it out and subscribe, who knows you may just learn something :)

People’s lack of responsibility in the face of global issues is distressing. The fact that one can throw their empty bottle of antifreeze out their window onto the street without feelings of guilt or regret makes me nervous. People may think that as long as no one’s there to stop them then it’s ok, but when every member of population are multiplying these actions, it becomes an exponential problem. I want to live in a city where I don’t see twenty discarded coffee cups on my way home. I want to live where people are accountable for their actions. Where they care enough to carry their garbage to waste stations where they sort it into recyclable, compostable, and waste.  People need to be educated from the start of grade 1 that it’s important to do the right thing by the Earth. Teach them how to recycle, how to compost. Have a compost bin at each school where all the lunch waste gets put into a bin where it composts and is turned into fertilizer for the school’s community garden....

We aren't going about this the right way. This Earth is not a resource. She is not a commodity. She lives, she breathes, she can feed us with her fruits yet we rip apart her flesh, and drink her blood. Pump her dry and leave her sighing. Sometimes I think we are a virus twisted around this globe, a puerperal parasite feeding happily upon it's host. Sometimes I'm disgusted with what humans have become. Misanthropist by nature, and so by nature I live. Forests are my friends and each tree a sleepy soul. Their groves are my heart's home, I live in the trees and they live in me. I've never been one for society, not a fan of this humanity. I've always been removed, by some force that calls me back to the wild places. I love in the spaces where many creatures live, societies of my own. No rules except that it's better to work together than to compete for the limited resources. These beings know the meanings of life. I want to live in pe...

I'm trying to get back into words, back into the playful art of sentence sculpture. We have a multitude of fridge magnet words, and it's incredible what you can piece together. This is a mini poem, half fridge phrases half mind musings; Give me a smile wind child, daughter of the moon You slather the night with love, licking it fresh. you are curious, naked, in full repose. And to think. it took 3.5 billion years to build something as beautiful as you. Love is an idea, shared between two to understand the self. And I understand. More to come as I fill my hat with momentous phrases. toodaloo

I'm in a funk. Today I had time to kill so I visited my family, specifically my grandparents and my mother. To set the stage I'll need to give you some details on these people. My grandfather is 91, has Alzheimer's and mostly bumbles around the house and pretends he knows what's going on. My grandmother is 88, a chain smoker and a stubborn lady with a foul mouth. My mother is an alcoholic who is just as stubborn and just as foul mouthed as her mother. So needless to say the evening was far from enjoyable. The issue as of late is that my grandmother doesn't like the cold climate of Calgary and wants to take her son, who is a multiple stroke victim with no use of most of his body living in a care home on Vancouver Island, down to Bellingham Washington. She owns a home down there which is currently rented out to students. So her plan is to rent a house there until her home is free in July. All she seems to care about is taking care of my uncle, even though he's ...

It's been a while. Christmas and new year's have come and gone, now I lay at the cusp of another semester at MRU. I foresee it going better than the last, but by no means amazing. My constant struggles with socializing and lack of interest in my colleagues will forever challenge my existence, but I always get by somehow. Besides lackluster schooling other aspects of my life are peachy.  This past weekend the band 36? hosted a collaborative art explosion to design the album art from multimedia contributions of anyone interested. AKA Me and my friends spent three days sitting on newspaper, painting, smoking joints, drawing, smoking weed, collage-ing, crocheting, and of course smoking marijuana. It was an intense experience, very enjoyable, and it let me use art as a form of expression which has been lacking in my life as of late.  At the end of the three days of 'el3vatin6nature' sessions, four 6' x 6' wooden frames were filled with a crazy array...

Today I had the long awaited meeting with my poetry professor Richard. We met at Kensington Pub to discuss my poetry and my performance, and just to catch up. I had brought my latest poem to get his feedback and this is what he told me to do: You take the best lines from the poem, the ones that you really like, and cut them out with scissors. take all these lines and put em in a hat and pick them at random and lay them out in the order you take them out. It gives you a totally new and yet same poem. Here's my results: Dont settle for disposable, opt for compostable, reusable sustainable; a green future is attainable. When did we split of the evolutionary tree and plant ourselves in the soils of skewed priotities? Instead of mindless expansion we should be expanding our minds. We can erase the scars of freeways and cars, rewind time to teeming life, erase the strife and strive with all alive, and live in this give and take. We make junk to make a buck, because who gives a fu...

Today wasn't by any standards a particularly great day. Early mornings and snow, parking tickets, missing an interview, car dying on a busy street, getting stood up by a mentor. It was overwhelming and I admit I shed some tears, in the moment. But at the moment I am ok, I am at peace with the way things are because even though the day wasn't amazing, there were still some good aspects. Like the nice girl who helped me push my car, offered to drive me home and gave me a hug when she saw I was distressed. Like getting a call from Bernard Callebaut offering me a job at the same moment I lost the chance to work at a pet store. It's all about the little things, the positives, because if you don't keep your head up you're more likely to crash.

It's official! I'm moving out with my boyfriend and it's going to be great!

The  Dø   love love love this band right now :)

Let's get to the point; let's roll another joint,   and let's head on down the road, there's somewhere I gotta go And you don't know how it feels to be me Don't get me wrong, it's pretty great being me I quite enjoy it. It's fascinating that we are the only ones who really know us, and that's all we'll ever know.

I've conceded that it is impossible to tell my mother what bothers me about her. She has such a warped sense of importance, so that any complaint I have is turned into a full fleshed assault to her. And she twists it around in her cunning little way and it becomes all my fault. I am always at fault. Today I got frustrated because my mother told me to put some leftover meal she'd bought downstairs in the fridge. It's merely a trifle, but it's not a stand alone event. I thought that since she bought the food she should put it away. It's hers, not mine, and she shouldn't be able to get away with constantly pawning off her chores onto me and my sister. But you couldn't tell her that. I must have had bad attitude, and walked down the stairs a bit too loudly, because when I came up she asked "what's your problem? why are you always mad at me?" I threw up my arms in disbelief. She's so quick to say that I'm the one attacking, I'm the one w...

3,830 Km.  46 hours of driving. (each way) For a three day festival.  Gonna be dope!