Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...
it hit me in one huge blow. he saw the look of horror on my face and then my tears turned into choking sobs as i buried my face in my hands. his arm was automatically around my shoulders in a futile attempt to comfort me. i couldn't believe it. how could this have happened? why did he do that? millions of questions ran through my head but i couldnt find the words to ask him. it all seemed like a joke or a dream. it just didnt fit. he kept repeating "its not your fault. this has nothing to do with you" and i tried to believe him. he knew me too well to know i would blame myself in some way. i tried not to but i was distracted. i was too much in shock to think of little else other than the image planted in my brain. it didn't fit, this couldnt be true.
Comments