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killed by love

the kiss came as every other had. i held back for a fraction of a second but in the end i let my heart give in. i closed my eyes and let my lips slowly touch his. i could feel his emotions, could he feel mine too? i felt unsure and hesitant, but i felt his passion and his longing, so i kept on. the kiss grew, slowly slowly. my heart knew it was wrong, so did my head, yet i continued. finaly i had to pull away. i burried my face in his chest and willed myself to keep the promise i made myself. though i could feel the tears brimming i blinked them back. he pulled me away and looked at me. "you look like you've been crying, or that you're trying very hard not to" crap. i tried to stray away from the conclusions he was making. "how can you tell?" he brought a hand up to my cheek. "because i can feel a lot more tension right here.." he brushed his fingers along my cheekbone. "okay..?" i said. i hated it when he was right. he knew me too well for my own good. "am i right? or am i just thinking too highly of myself?" "no, you're right." i took a deep breath and looked away from him. after all this time i hated myself for feeling so shy around him. i had no reason to, and i knew he hated it when i didn't tell him what's wrong. "i told myself i wouldnt cry today..and i was doing so well, but then.." i took a nother deep breath to steady myself, and still averting my eyes, i continued on "that kiss.." i gathered the courage to see his response to my words. "you want to know something?" "k.." i looked at him expectantly. "that kiss..felt real." he must have noted the confusion in my eyes, and elaborated. "every time i've kissed you, it felt wrong. i didnt feel anything. but this kiss...was different." i mulled over his wordsin silence, but i couldnt see where he was coming from. i decided to let it pass. "do you want to know something?" "ok." it was his turn to look expectantly at me. "that kiss..went too far for me." i sat up straiter and scooted slightly farther away frim him, and just as i knew he would, he scooted right back beside me and reached out for my hand. " i don't know why i didn't stop..." i was talking moreso to myself now, it made it easier to get the words out. "i guess..i didn't stop because of you." i looked up at his confused face. "do you understand?" i asked, already knowing the answer. his no came as no suprise. " i guess...i thought this was what you wanted, so even though it went to far, i didn't want to stop.." he readjusted himself to look me strait in the eyes. "never do that."

Comments

pihzaz said…
This is really cute man, its like...i don't know. So cute. Im so glad you were true to yourself though. I hope to talk to you tomorow im off to bed.
October 1, 2008 at 11:37 PM
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