you've really filled me with hate. i can't just forget. i'm so close do just exploding. i really don't like this. i wish it was different. i wish all this hardship could have passed you by. i thought it would be different now. but you really cant catch a break. its acctually impossible. you've put this...thing..on my shoulders. i know you don't mean to but you did. i can't hold you back. i dont know what to do. not the faintest idea. if you snap then i snap too. it wont be my fault but i'll take it that way. i can't hold you back and it scares me. i love you so much. i don't want to see you like that. because i cant help you. i don't have a clue. blue moons cant come soon enough. but i'm so afraid it wont get fixed. i want it to be a fairy tale. spiritual and healing. i guess whatever happens happens.
I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...
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