i washed my hair without even knowing it. my mind took a side trip and my body took over. it annoyed me more than it should have. i had planned on not washing my hair until semester two started, for some reason. just because i could. no matter. i stood there, blank and empty, watching the water careening of my shoulder lit by the pale winter light. i never noticed it before. my mind was working at a faster speed, slower or sharper, i couldn't decide. i watched, transfixed as dew covered spiderwebs flew everywhere, threads of glistening silver faded and fell. i didn't know why it was so beautiful to me. but it was one of the most incredible things i'd seen in a long while.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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