sometimes i would just like to tell you to stop poking your nose in my business. sometimes i would just like for you to keep your oppinions to yourself. i wish that you would let me make my own decisions and let me figure things out on my own. i am 17 and yes, still legally in your care, but i am almost 18 and ready to do things for myself. i'm not your baby girl anymore, though sometimes i still wish i was. perhaps you dont think me capable of making good decisions, but i'm sure you would be suprised at how well everyone thinks i am handleing this. perhaps if you would lay off a bit, take a step back, stop thinking your way is the only way, you may be proud of me. i dont know if you realize how hard these past months have been on me. its been one thing after another after another. it would be helpul if perhaps you could not make this any harder on my with your constant questioning and your discreetly demeaning comments. this is my relationship, not yours. maybe you dont trust me enough to make good decisions, God knows i havent given you reason to, and that kills me. but suprisingly, i think i can. i have given up trying to tell you that i am still a virgin. you and father are the only ones who dont believe me. all my friends know me well enough to know that i have my morals and i stick to them no matter what. but i cant stick up for myself, so i just let you guys believe what you wanted. thats the reason i cant answer your endless tirade of questions. i have a mental block, i can only say a few words, if any, and by that point you've moved on to another question. eventually you answer them yourself, i let you think what you want. i dont mean to come off rude or anything like that in my silence, thats just the way i am. and that is why i wrote this letter and put it here, on the offchance you'll read it. because i dont have the courage to say how i really feel, i never have.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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