sometimes i catch myself dreaming of simpler times. perhaps it would spare me this insufferable pull on my heartstrings. but then i remember. i get bored easily, to put it simply. to go from this to carefree would be a smack to the face and i'd be completely lost with myself. i dont want to love someone exactly like me in every way. when i'm out and about and i see couples walking, i find myself laughing inwardly. they all look like they could be siblings, if i didnt know better. preps go out with preps, emos with emos, nerds with nerds, pretty people with pretty people. for some reason i think that i am the only person who has broken that trend. me and him are from completely different worlds. perhaps thats a bad thing, perhaps we're too different. but what is love without a bit of excitement? without a goal to get around? love shouldnt be easy peasy. "love is not a victory march, its a cold and its a broken halleluiah" Leonard Cohen is smart, and i have come to trust his words. his love has made me stronger, wiser, more mature. we've grown close to eachother, and i have come to care for him so much that i am willing to give him a second chance. because i have faith in him. i know that whether i like it or not he will change for me, to make this easier for me. for some reason i feel that whatever i chose to do, it will be the right choice. and that is a weird feelings
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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that's from the song hallelujah by jeff buckley!!!! i love that song =) and reading your blog. you are strong and you will make the right decisions, actually there is never a right choice i believe only different ones.