oh i hate this feeling. its a million in one. i feel...annoyed, mad, and that this whole thing is so unfair. but then i feel like i deserve it, because i havent given them reason to trust me. then i fill with frustration at the fact that i did nothing wrong tonight, how ironic! then i get annoyed at how my parents should realise i've broken up with him, i'm not seeing him anymore. i'm not sneaing around or anything. but then i realise how would they know? im so reclusive from them, but i really dont care. i feel like they ask too much of me, and ask too much in general. i cant explain it. i hate feeling this way because it was such a small thing, but it brings up such a larger issue with myself. i really wish i oculd just resolve all my problems. like...i dont know. i'm sick of everything. new deal. i'm gonna try and not lie to my parents. maybe like for a month or something. but...i know that its not worth it because i beat myself up about it later, i live in fear that they'll sniff me out, and they usualy do. it really hurts me and it hurts them and it hurts us and im just so sick of everything. im on the mood to rant but im to annoyed to speak.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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