thats what you get for sucking carpet.

He tells me i'm strong. i'm the centerhold of my family. he makes it so much more than i feel it is. maybe i do that too. or maybe thats how it seems for people around me. he says i'm emotional too. i agree with that. i'll become upset over one thing, then it makes me remember everything i was upset about before, and i start to cry about my bottled up feelings. i continue on like this until i dont even know what is making me cry, but i'm aware that i look like an immature baby. i feel immature when people call me strong. i don't know why, really. i guess because i dont feel that i am. i just dont think i deserve that title when there are people out there with way more troubling lives than me, people who have to put up with a lot more, who deserve the title of "strong" i just don't feel that i've put up with that much bullshit, which he thinks i do. i dont know. certain things, like leaving him, despite his thoughts of it being unfair. he knows that its the right thing for me and he admires me for that. maybe i do have an inferiority complex. i just dont see what people keep talking about. maybe i'm just crazy. whatever. i gotta go now.

Comments

enter the struggler

Don't give up. I'm only starting to see the gravity of your situation. the extent of your damnation. In short I don't blame you for your frivolous disposition. I blame myself for not being enough to change it. That came out wrong. I can't, nor do I want to, change you. I just wish I was insentive enough to make you wish to change. Or maybe change is non-existant. I want you to grow. You're playing a static and stagnant role whilst I am flourishing and thriving. I know I'm not the same as I was when we were first in love, but the change is amplified relative your inert stance. I've always cared about you, but that too has been altered by the hand of circumstance. I've known countless feelings for you, attachment, love, lust, caring, anguish, concern. I've always felt something for you. Now it's stronger than ever before. No more silly juvenile notions of "love". I care for you like a sister, a mother, a lover, a friend. You say you don...

neighborhood nights

I feel like somewhere along my life there was a shift. Suddenly nothing was for fun any more, it was all necessary. Suddenly I'm bothering with what others think, afraid to link any connotations I deem negative to my being. Why do I care what people I've never met, who'll forget they ever saw me, think of me; this obscure stranger in their peripherals. It's a warped sense of mind and place, seeing the space around me in my mind's made up ways. So I stray away from everyone, isolating myself unwittingly, turning them against me. Self fulfilling prophecies, I succeed in creating this reality. I need to break free from my mind's mentalities, with which negativity has propelled me. So I've started a new sport. I call it neighborhood night dancing. Donning headphones and heading out alone to the empty streets as the city sleeps, and moving to the beat. Letting it compel me towards a freedom long gone missing. Letting go is an art. Complete release is a tough ...

You are what you is,

lonesome sundown. that terrible nagging i get at the root of me, those thoughts all clouding my mind in inaudible whispers. anxiety making my fingers shake. my mind is numb and dull. little questions running round, second guessing and self slandering. Reality leaves alot to the imagination . I need distraction. You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are! i'm searching john lennon quotes. getting lost in other's words is healing. Gets me out of my head every so often. Give me sanctuary, I need asylum. Place me somewhere with no responsibilities, no inadequacies or apprehensions. Let me be seen as real and that is all i will need. where no one's pressumptions affect me. I am my own entity, reserved and asunder. I need you. Open me up, break down my inhibitions. let me be real and let yourself love me for what is really there. [ this isnt meant for just one person. i cant chose between you all.] The love of reality is my favorite. ...

rude awakenings

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