thats what you get for sucking carpet.

He tells me i'm strong. i'm the centerhold of my family. he makes it so much more than i feel it is. maybe i do that too. or maybe thats how it seems for people around me. he says i'm emotional too. i agree with that. i'll become upset over one thing, then it makes me remember everything i was upset about before, and i start to cry about my bottled up feelings. i continue on like this until i dont even know what is making me cry, but i'm aware that i look like an immature baby. i feel immature when people call me strong. i don't know why, really. i guess because i dont feel that i am. i just dont think i deserve that title when there are people out there with way more troubling lives than me, people who have to put up with a lot more, who deserve the title of "strong" i just don't feel that i've put up with that much bullshit, which he thinks i do. i dont know. certain things, like leaving him, despite his thoughts of it being unfair. he knows that its the right thing for me and he admires me for that. maybe i do have an inferiority complex. i just dont see what people keep talking about. maybe i'm just crazy. whatever. i gotta go now.

Comments

teardas

this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe

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