i feel down. i am a slave to the painkillers. i'm afraid of feeling. i want comfort but i'm afraid to do little other than lie in my bed or sit at the computer. i wish i had my camera so i could occupy myself, but seems to have vanished. so i touch up old photos i took in the past, but that supply is running sparse. so i'm going to down some painkillers and play monopoly on my ipod and wallow in self pitty. ta. =)
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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