she has made me nocturnal. iwas up till 3 am, eating m&m cookies, talking to my sister over facebook and watching teletoon. some of the shows that are on this hour are pretty sick. i cant remember what the name of the show was, the one with the like...meatball and soda, but i think it has scarred me. i muted the tv and decided to occupy myself by creeping people's nex pages. i somehow got to this dude's page who seemed to be a perfect match to this character i read in streetpharm. for some reason i didnt believe that it was acctualy that way, but i guess i was wrong. it made me sick, all these boys with pictures of them flaunting their money and smoking pot. it was like...another world to me. it astounds me, what people will go to for money. i suppose that if you grow up having practicaly nothing, you'll do whatever it takes to get out of poverty. i guess i cant even begin to understand it because i was a fourtunate child. and i cant elaborate because me head feels like its going to explode. i hate being sick.
this is the reason i broke up with him in the first place. because it was so much stress and it just seemed hopeless. i know that's a harsh word but its true. he's got so much on his plate and i dont want any more on mine. i have my own set of worries i need to take care of. but i cant just turn him away. the way he opened up to me...it litteraly moved me to tears. i feel his dispair, his depression. he has nothing. but i dont want him to have no one too. at the moment i feel thats all i can do; give him the comfort of knowing that i'm here for him, that he has me. contrairy to his beleifs he hasnt lost me. if he really had, i wouldnt have seen him yestrerday, or tuesday, or any times before that. we wouldnt have acted or talked the way we did if he'd truley lost me. his words stung because i felt his pain through them. his feelings soaking the words and turning them a different colour. i never told him to get the fuck out of my life, but it hurt to know thats how he fe
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